"New feelings and such have emerged at last
For the most part I can say that I'm really having a blast
There is so much uncertainty in life that I never get the chance to enjoy myself
I've left my goals, happiness, and ambition up on the top shelf
She makes me believe in everything again
Her mindset and all puts me back in zen
I will never forget my past nor my pain
But new opportunities and new adventure are what actually keep me sane
If there is one thing I've learned it's that life is too short to be looking to the past
We will miss everything around us because it all goes by just that fast
My feelings are everywhere and it all somehow feels so new
Please don't think I'm disrespecting, I've made up my mind but I won't forget you."
Feels like this one is getting a little more positive than the others. Mostly because lately I've been given many signals of what I need to do next in my life. Somehow everywhere I went kept telling me the same thing one way or the other. Maybe it's inspiration from friends own lives, maybe it's physically seeing how being sprung can be poisonous, or maybe it's just me finally believing that I can continue. In no way am I escaping my dark thoughts, every feeling deserves to be felt, I cannot be afraid of any of my own feelings. However, it is time to create something new, whether I'm alone or with that of a similar mindset I have to be prepared. I stared at the screen for long enough and time is almost up. I have to be ready to put in more tokens, I'm ready to (Continue....?)
Only time will tell if I am right.....
Monday, July 23, 2018
Saturday, July 14, 2018
WHY
"Why does this happen every single time
Having come so far I can't seem to stop this heart of mine
I worry about you every time theres too big a gap
And I'm left here looking like some sorry sap
I thought I was done with this yet here I am again
Escaping, editing, compromising, all of that and I'm left back in my den
Every time I see your name pop up I jump at the chance to speak
I'm left here just wondering to myself, what is it that I seek
I thought our time was up, and our song was sung
Yet here I am, inevitably admitting that I'm still sprung."
....this post can somewhat speak for itself but I still feel the need to say something else. Feelings are horrible but they need to be felt, when I thought I was moving forward with my life I turn out to be completely wrong. The worst part being that I really don't know about her anymore. Taking for granted all the times I got to hear the little things, I got to have my hand in her life, literally any little detail. I tell anyone to never take that for granted, appreciate everything. I hate that I still feel this way, why. Just why. Well this hit like a ton of bricks, gotta work this off somehow right?
Having come so far I can't seem to stop this heart of mine
I worry about you every time theres too big a gap
And I'm left here looking like some sorry sap
I thought I was done with this yet here I am again
Escaping, editing, compromising, all of that and I'm left back in my den
Every time I see your name pop up I jump at the chance to speak
I'm left here just wondering to myself, what is it that I seek
I thought our time was up, and our song was sung
Yet here I am, inevitably admitting that I'm still sprung."
....this post can somewhat speak for itself but I still feel the need to say something else. Feelings are horrible but they need to be felt, when I thought I was moving forward with my life I turn out to be completely wrong. The worst part being that I really don't know about her anymore. Taking for granted all the times I got to hear the little things, I got to have my hand in her life, literally any little detail. I tell anyone to never take that for granted, appreciate everything. I hate that I still feel this way, why. Just why. Well this hit like a ton of bricks, gotta work this off somehow right?
Friday, July 6, 2018
Random Night
"A year ago I wasn't sure where I'd be, never knowing how I would change
Sometimes life forces that change and I've had to adjust a pretty good range
I've been in a different mindset and it's a little surreal
I watch myself as days go by and really I'm not sure how to feel
Honestly I'm not even sure if I've given myself proper time to heal
Every time I feel like I've taken one step forward, the light appears and I take two steps back
Sometimes it was hard to keep going, but I figured out that shits whack
I still can't say I've recovered, because I still find myself in my feels
There is always a way out, many ways I could make some deals
But if there's one thing I learned is that's just not who I am
Through the mistakes I've made I learn and then suddenly *BAM*
I wake up and realize everything I've done and can only look to a better tomorrow
Yet we said we'd see each other soon, but until then am I just in sorrow?
Do I sit here and hope nobody else finds us, wait on the day we can say Goodnight
Until I figure this out I'll just remain in wonder, don't know what this means but soon I'll have the destination in my sight
I'll always feel the same way, it was always you."
I'm not sure what brought this up, maybe it's making plans. Being someone I did not see myself as. So many new faces, possibilities, opportunities. I guess typing it out is one way to get this out. What is this adulting? It's realizing the mistakes you've made in the past, living with all the shit life throws at you, getting creative with how you escape the realities placed in front of you, and more importantly realizing who is actually there for you. I believe I've at the very least found those people that both help me and I in some way help them. I would do anything for those of you, quite literally anything.
I guess I just had one of those nights of thinking....
Sometimes life forces that change and I've had to adjust a pretty good range
I've been in a different mindset and it's a little surreal
I watch myself as days go by and really I'm not sure how to feel
Honestly I'm not even sure if I've given myself proper time to heal
Every time I feel like I've taken one step forward, the light appears and I take two steps back
Sometimes it was hard to keep going, but I figured out that shits whack
I still can't say I've recovered, because I still find myself in my feels
There is always a way out, many ways I could make some deals
But if there's one thing I learned is that's just not who I am
Through the mistakes I've made I learn and then suddenly *BAM*
I wake up and realize everything I've done and can only look to a better tomorrow
Yet we said we'd see each other soon, but until then am I just in sorrow?
Do I sit here and hope nobody else finds us, wait on the day we can say Goodnight
Until I figure this out I'll just remain in wonder, don't know what this means but soon I'll have the destination in my sight
I'll always feel the same way, it was always you."
I'm not sure what brought this up, maybe it's making plans. Being someone I did not see myself as. So many new faces, possibilities, opportunities. I guess typing it out is one way to get this out. What is this adulting? It's realizing the mistakes you've made in the past, living with all the shit life throws at you, getting creative with how you escape the realities placed in front of you, and more importantly realizing who is actually there for you. I believe I've at the very least found those people that both help me and I in some way help them. I would do anything for those of you, quite literally anything.
I guess I just had one of those nights of thinking....
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