FEAR

"I guess I am still scared of it
Comes to my mind in different ways, just hit after hit
I'll never know unless I try
But was it really the right time to say goodbye
I can't have this around especially when I'm moving on
At times I am up at night, they keep me up 'til the break of dawn
I alone have to be the one that puts on the brave face
I guess I'm just getting through this at my own pace
Scared of the judgment I may soon face
But to me it ain't no disgrace
Being here typing always brings me back
Honestly it's about time I grew a sack
She'll soon know the truth I have yet to reveal
I have to be straight up, can't be telling her what to do or how to feel
I care for her enough to speak my mind
It's not something I'm willing to hide behind
If things are going to work out it has to be done
Hoping she accepts me and we can continue having our fun
Judgement will happen no matter what right?
May as well go down on my terms, fuck a fight
The only opinion that'll matter is hers, everyone else can hate
I played my cards right so I can't lose, Exodia obliterate"


I ran out of the shower to start writing because it all came to me so fast. I guess fear is something that is ever lasting, fear of being the center of attention, fear of being different, fear of being judged, etc. Honestly I never thought that this affected me in any way, but I guess it depends on who it comes from. I like to believe I have never cared about peoples opinions and was simply myself, but in this case I guess I do fear one persons opinion of me. However, as I was writing I came to realize that no matter what, as long as I believe I am making good decisions, I should feel content with where I am heading. I let things play out and now I'm preparing to make an actual decision. Everything has to be put on the table for this to even have a chance though, and that's some scary shit on its own.  I think I'm ready, I honestly have to be.......


(quick thanks to anyone taking time to read, appreciate it)